Dream Wed!!!

Last summer, I attended and organized a lot of gatherings.  We had our get together almost every week with my friends and was able to spend more with them.  Most of my friends are now married, with kids, and others are engaged.  And I'm here, still single. I'm left behind.  LoL!

As I browsed profiles of my friends in their wedding and reading blogs, I feel like getting married today!  hahaha!!!

When I get married, I would like it to be SIMPLE but GOOFY, ROCK n ROLL, BLACK and WHITE at the BEACH -- DIY wedding!

I will be the one to organize my wedding, design my gown and groom's outfit, handmade accessories and invitations, centerpieces, souvenirs, reception, shoes, music selection, program, and flowers.

This will be the set-up for the wedding ceremony and would like to have it at Villa Arcadia, Talisay, Misamis Oriental or one of the beach in Dinagat, my hometown.

       The Invitation!

                                              

                                                              This serves as our wedding invitation.  

                                                                    I will going to find empty bottles, clean and recycled it.

                                                               No need to buy new things (with that, we can able 

                                                              to save money and nature..ahahha).  

                                                            All I need is a cork, paper, ribbon, shells and sand.

                                                          I will be the one to encode, design for the invitations.

                                                        oh diba, kuripot style lang?!  hahhaha 

                                                    oopphs, I mean matipid lang.

                                                    

the flower!

Customized wine bottle as our wedding souvenirs
with our pictures below.

our yummy black and white cake!
But I would like to have our picture at the top.
The bride wearing the groom's outfit and playing with her guitar
and a groom with the bride's outfit with mic.

Jealous Sister

Today, my cousin bought a cake.  I love cake.  I always get excited if somebody invites me to a birthday party or any occasion and it’s because of cake.

For my 24 years of existence, as far as I remember I only celebrate my birthday once.  I swear to God only once and don’t have cake..Ever!  It was my 23^rd birthday which was the best party of my life.  My friends brought foods and donated for drinks.  I only celebrated it once but worth it. Eh kasi nga walang budget palagi.

When we were young, my mom always there and always has had a budget for birthday celebration of my sister Yenyen.  We have many pictures celebrating her birthday, yummy foods, many visitors; she wore nice dress, and drinks. 

My sister Yenyen was everybody’s favourite.  She has many friends.  I remember it so clearly, 3 of my aunts worked as a domestic helper in Singapore and Hongkong.  Everytime they sent a package (goodies from them), my sister Yen always have a share and I don’t have.  Sometimes, if I have share, it’s still not as many and nice compared to hers.  When my aunt married a foreigner and went to Cebu, they brought my sister with them and I was left at home alone while she was having fun strolling there.  She always had new notebooks while my brother and I received recycled notebooks given by our aunt (eldest sister of my mom).  As what I’ve always said, she’s everybody’s favourite.

She was popular for she’s good in dancing and drawing.  She was like a celebrity with many fans when she dances.  When we were teenagers, she has many admirers/suitors.  There was a time, I was a sophomore student (second year high school) I have had a crush with a junior drummer in a band and at the same time he was my school mate (1year ahead of me).  My sister and I went to a carnaval, I saw my crush (OMG, cheeks were turning red..hahhah so high school).  He said “hi” to me with a wholesome charming smile (and again, cheeks were turning red and this time knees shaking..hahhah soo high school).  I thought he will make friends for he was snob but oh no, he asked who’s the girl with me.  So I introduced my sister to him and they were shaking hands.  And there it goes, a jealous sister and I am talking about myself here.  I was pretending it was ok with me; I became a translator since Ate Yenyen can’t talk well.  We had fun though for he was the one who pay for us to ride a ferries wheel, bought a pop corn too (hahaha we went there with no budget for the rides. We supposed to watch only), and went home with our bodyguard (am talking about my crush who liked my sister).  But they never got into the stage of “more than friends” maybe because they don’t understand each other.

When I was about to end my high school years, she met another guy and then she got pregnant.  My mom wasn’t there and also my brother so only the two of us left at home.  I don’t know what to do; all I felt the time was hatred because of the fact that she got pregnant early with a man that doesn’t have plans in life. 

When I was in college, I always joined in extracurricular activities.  I love engaging myself in school activities and one of the best performances I did was when during our foundation day where we performed a folk dance with a little drama portraying a traditional way of courting a Filipina.  It was the highlight of the variety show where it was applauded by many.   My sister was very happy watching me performing and acting.  She said I was the best dancer in our group.  Well, maybe she’s just my number fan ;)) and we’re sisters..heheheh..

After the show, one late evening we had our chit chats just about everything.  Then as I look at her, I felt guilty that time.  She had many questions in life.  She asked me why she can’t talk well, why she fell in love and got pregnant early, why she can’t able to go to college and perform onstage too like what I did?  A lot of “why’s” and I don’t know the right answer or I don’t know how either.  She wants to go to school, she wants to have classmates, she wants to draw, she wants to have fun in school activities but she can’t.  Many guys looked at her for she’s pretty and sexy.  She wore nice dresses and I was just wearing simple old jeans or shorts and shirts, she’s friendly, outgoing and I was always staying at home before, she’s good in dancing and I was shy to dance, she’s pretty that is why she had many suitors but ended with a sad love story just because of her disability to talk well. 

I felt ashamed and guilty.  I don’t have the right to get jealous of her.  I have the ability and capability to do everything I want which my sister cannot.    Now, that I can able to buy new books for myself she’s the one who get jealous with me.  It’s not because I have new stuffs but because she can’t work and able to pamper herself, feed her daughter by her own. 

Lately, as I browsed profiles on Facebook I read a sister quotes and this is my favourite saying “Sister is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship.”  She’s probably my competitor but my sister never thinks we’re in a competition.  Now that we grown up, our relationship becomes the strongest one (oh God, forgive me for being jealous sister).  .  I really admire her in the sense that despite of her disability, she remains calm, friendly, not complaining, good single mother, and happy.  My sister Yenyen is one of my inspirations to continue life and one of the reasons why I am motivated in reaching my goals.  She’s always part of my dreams.  No more jealousy now, promised! And I don't care if I don't have cake, the important is she always have one.

We are sisters, we are friends.

No matter what happen, I'm always by her side.
And I don't get jealous this time ;))

... What if?

         When they say “huh” wipe their ears, when drooling and they sneeze, wipe their face, when they poop, wipe their butt and I am telling you that it is not only the work of a caregiver. Many faces I’ve met with different sad stories behind the scene and a lot of realization when I ad my training at Por Cristo, home for the abandoned elderly.

         
        Mixed emotions swirled inside me as I entered that solemn place for the first time. Feelings of sadness, despair, and agony rose within me. As I progressed through my training a profound sadness grew in me as I realized that the majority of elders no longer had family to care for them. Others made the decision to live there as they did now want to add burden to their families. Some pined for home but did not know even if their families would accept them or where their loved ones could be found. As I worked with these people I pondered what I could possibly do as a health care provider to improve their lives. I decided that each person needed a different approach. Some desired communication, a listening ear, a comforter.
           Just like my patient having a case of paralysis (right side), she does not have a family anymore and even kids of her own. We had our chats after giving her a bath and took her medicines. I asked if she has siblings, she answered me with a teary eyes that her brother died two years ago and she does not know if her sister still alive for she doesn’t seen her for many years now. She lives alone in her nipa hut house at Jabongga, Surigao Del Norte (my hometown). No matter how hard it was but still she was able to survive until one day she fainted, walking alone in the street and a woman working as a government employee saw her then brought her to Butuan at home for the aged. She wanted to go home but nobody’s home and I was so deeply touched by her story for I can’t imagine myself if I were in her shoe, if I can handle it living … alone.

           I asked myself then, what if I don’t have family? Who will take care of me when I grow old? Will my kids leave me here in a place like this? Are they going to abandon me too when I get sick and tired of nursing me? A lot of “what if” but one thing I am sure of that no challenge given by God is ever too much for us to handle. Behind her sad story, still, she did not blame Him of having a hard life living alone. She was living in simplicity and contented. According to her, if only she could turn back the time, still, she would choose to live in simple life with a complete happy family. 
           Life is a matter of choice, not a matter of chance. If you want to be happy then choose happiness. It does always be your choice. Life may let us down but we can choose whether or not to get back up.

PNRC, Butuan Chapter – A whole week of Training!

(At the back holding the flag is Kier - the HEAVYgatin, Aizel in pink, Marj in blue, Ate Ivy - my partner in school works )


If you are going to ask me to describe our training at Philippine National Red Cross, Butuan Chapter, I would say, “grabeh kakapoy pero enjoy makaluya pero makatuon jud ka.”

A whole week of training at PNRC wasn’t that easy and I always have this thought on my mind, “makaya ba kaha ni nako?” whenever the instructor gave us an activity such as rescuing a victim on fire by myself, carrying or dragging a unconscious casualty, spine boarding and hell yes I almost quit. I was like caitiff when we had that kind of activity. I felt pity to myself in the sense that I really wanted to learn and of course, to help others who are in need of a first aider, yet, seems like I don’t belong to this kind of field. During our activity, the victim was unconscious and bigger than me (kier vs ako? Hell no).

After the activity, I never thought that I can do it to think that I was carrying a victim that is bigger than me but I did! I shouldn’t be a quitter, I’ve been through a lot of trials and able to pass it all so why quit? So then I realized that I should not feel pity to myself but rather to persuade and strive more to be able to help others as long as we can. I believe in the saying, “quitter never wins.”

We’re very exhausted at the end of the day when we had this training but I learned a lot and that matters most, no matter how tired I was, hungry (kay walay kwarta pampalit para snacks), and almost burn my skin (kay super init ajo), still, I carry to smile (kay daghan picture2x) and had fun with other participants. This whole thing was new to me and really helps to be prepared in the future in case there’s emergency. We gave a lot of effort on this training and worth it. Not only that we learned so many things but also met new circle of friends!

Live Life to the Fullest and Healthiest!

“Health is wealth,” I do believe in this old saying. It is one of the most precious things we can have in this imperfect world. It is like a treasure that we should always bear in our mind to protect and take good care of. However, it’s quite ironic that some of us don’t really give this adage much weight in our lives. I have a lot of friends who are abusive on their body, practicing a bad habit which affects their health. Some of them drink beer as if it’s water. I even know people who had never broken sweat over exercise for the longest time. And no, I’m not counting myself out, for I’m also guilty of a few unhealthy habits.

For a whole week of training at Manuel J. Santos Hospital, I met a hypertensive patient and have kidney problems. He has a lot of regrets for he practiced unhealthy habits and now he suffered it. If only he cared for his health then he will not be in pain. I referred this experience to myself when I met a friend who died a year ago due to a motorbike accident. He was drunk while he was driving and a very abusive to his body so that is why. He was a good friend and I know how painful it was for his family because of what happened to their son. If only their son cared for his health, responsible enough to drive then maybe he’s still alive now and enjoy life.

Being in the hospital, there are only two destinations: whether you survive or die. In life, it’s always be your choice whether you live your life to what you dreamed of, do the things that you really wanted, or just surrender when everything seems to fall apart. We must always remember that money can’t buy everything, it cannot cure an illness. We should take care of ourselves before it’s too late if we want to live long. We can live life to the fullest if we are healthy. Health is priceless!

A Reflection

How unfair life is? Until now, I am still searching for the right answer and even questioned God why.

During our training at Butuan Child Care and Therapy Center, I learned a lot more than I expected. I felt so much sadness for all the kids having deficiencies such as Down’s syndrome, learning disabilities, autism, cerebral palsy, mental retardation, ADHD or Attention-deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and it was so hard not to get discouraged. So many questions running through my head: Will they always be like this? Will they have friends? Will they ever be in school with typically developing children and have fun? I know how it feels to be one of the parents or a member of the family when one of the members has one of these deficiencies.

One week training at BCCTC has taught me a very great deal. It’s not frustration that I felt but a challenge my patience and do my very best to teach them. It’s not about to scold them when they commit mistakes but to understand their behaviour, and give more attention for they needed it, of course, not to tolerate them all through the time. Though behind their smiles, still, I can’t hide my feelings on how touched I was with their stories and seems like my heart bleeds, turned into pieces. They may not acquire the skills to be productive members of society but we should fight for services as long as we can in order for them to improve, not feel regression, and ease their burden. We may be not a developmental doctor, therapist, but we can truly give care, heart, and soul.

There are times that I feel hopeless and don’t know what else to do to solve some problems of mine but beyond my failures, sacrifices, hardships, and obstacles but I can say that I am still lucky no matter how heavy it is to carry the world. I can do whatever I want in which kids at BCCTC cannot do and one major thing I realize is not to look at the big picture but to appreciate small things, see beauty and miracle in small steps.

My World

My world is full of frustrations,
That leads me to state of confusion.
Just like a movie,
There’s drama, suspense, horror, and comedy.


For my 22 years of existence,
I’ve been a model to my sisters.
I give all my family the best
But still my world is full of mess.


I wish I have wings to fly,
Soar above the sky.
Yet my world is full of ups and downs,
Good and bad days that make me like a clown.


However, along the way
There’s “directions aids.”
I wish my wounds will cure with just one band aid.
But my world is full of examination,
Still looking for the right explanation.