One morning, I woke up around five in the morning, tiptoeing so that my mother won't notice how freaked out I am. I woke up early for I was going to school for an activity to do.
People see me as Miss Fearless, Miss Unshakable and most of the time they misunderstand me on the way I act and on the way I talk but I don't need to pretend and change myself to please anybody. I've already wasted a lot of effort polishing that image to perfection to make people believe in me, to make myself even believe in me.
But how life has caught up with me all of a sudden has left me paralyzed with shock. For the first time in my 20 years of existence, I'm presented with the undeniable fact - I am all grown-up now. And I'm force to deal with it head on, myself.
There are times that I find myself alone late at night. Searching deep down in my soul, voice faltering, knees shaking and in serious cold sweat; I sometimes rocked myself to sleep, acting like a baby. I feel like I don't have the energy and strength to keep up. Reality has stripped me down to the core letting the whole world know my true color. Because the truth is, I am Miss Scary Cat, feeling like a loser, lost and confused like a little girl; afraid of the fact that I am an adult now. They said that 20 is the best age; a grown up lady, who needs to get off her huge dependency and groove with the times. A young woman, who needs to learn to keep up with technology.
So whenever I feel like choking myself to death, I lock myself in my room with red lights on, get down my knees and pray... "Dear God, make me a kid again because I am not ready for all of these. Adulthood scares the hell out of me."
